I Almost Cancelled My Wedding
Almost two months ago today I closed one chapter of my life to began a new one. I was married on August 9th and it was the most amazing and painful experience I have ever had.
Most people didn’t know that three weeks before the wedding I sat there across from Scott on the couch and told him I didn’t think I could marry him, and though it must have been painful, Scott made me promise him one thing. He said “Sacha promise me this, if you aren’t 110% certain that you want to marry me, please do not walk down that aisle”. I gave him my word that I would honor his request.
It was excruciatingly painful; I have never wept and raged that much in my life. I could not trust my thoughts and head as it proved to be too linear and logical and kept telling me all the reasons why I should NOT marry him. I could not trust my heart, as I would be overwhelmed with attachment and guilt. So I went to my body and started paying attention to the ancient wisdom and intellect that lives deep inside of me.
Despite close to three weeks of conversation with friends, openhearted talks with Scott and deep personal intuitive work I still was not certain of my choice.
Two days before our wedding Scott and I went for a walk on the beach to really look at our relationship. We shared it all and put everything on the table.
I cannot say what actually happened that day, or what exactly was said, but something shifted for me in that moment, something happened in my body, something got healed.
Two days later I linked arms with my dad, and walked down the aisle towards my husband and my future.
Getting married was the hardest thing I ever did.
And I can see that a huge source of this victory was from two major things:
The first is the importance of full open communication with my partner and the people in my life. I could not have survived this on my own and being able to have full transparency in my relationship with Scott and my close friends made all the difference in getting through this.
The second is the amazing expertise and knowledge that my body has and how it knows the truth even if it can’t be seen, felt or understood. It has a deep resounding ancient wisdom that should not be dismissed or taken for granted.
It took everything for us to get through the swamp to reach the rainbow on the other side. But we made it, we won.
Below is a copy of our vows that Scott & I created together- The wedding day was amazing and beyond our wildest dreams- and after we were pronounced husband and wife we made sure to stop and look each other in the eyes because we knew that it took EVERYTHING we had to have those first steps as a married couple come true.
Enjoy our vows and feel free to share or steal anything that speaks to you in them. It is my wish that they inspire you to look at what you are calling forth in your future and what sacred promises will you create for yourself.
1. I vow to create, and live, an epic life and to always be the best version of me.
2. I vow to be a trampoline for you being the greatest version of yourself and to surrender to the vision that you have of me, as greater than anything I see myself.
3. I vow to see your present state as whole, complete and perfect and to allow you to grow and expand at your own pace
4. I vow to make your passions and self-expression safe in every capacity, whether they be personally, professionally or sexually.
5. I vow to honor your entire range of emotions, from the sunshine of your joy to the storm of your anger.
6. I vow to love your family as if they are my own and to forever strengthen and deepen YOUR love for them.
7. I vow to honor my truth and speak it, even when it is not pretty or might hurt and to always say it in a way that has your heart come first.
8. I vow to make our future safe and secure for you and our children.
9. I vow to be a mother/father that listens to my children’s dreams as real and respects and honors their thoughts, opinions and desires.
10. I vow to encourage your freedom and individuality and to champion your dreams and create them as my own.
11. I vow to nurture your relationships with your friends and loved ones and to make them as important to me as they are to you.
12. I vow to defend our love and our life from the dragons of upset and misunderstanding, even when the dragon looks like you.
13. I vow to love you fully and fiercely and to keep my heart open to you no matter how painful it is or how angry I feel.
14. I vow to believe and co-create the fairytale together. To always believe in magic and know that with you anything is possible.
15. I vow that with every doubt and every question I have, I will remember this day, reconnect to our love and always find my way back home to you.